Thursday, October 30, 2008

Today was an interesting day.

Yesterday, I went to Wal-Mart and bought three of those five dollar DVDs. When I got home, the first one that I opened didn't have the DVD in it.

So today I went back to Wal-Mart and explained the situation to a customer service employee. They told me to go and get another one and they would exchange it for me. So I went all the way back to the movie section and grabbed another one, walked all the way back up front to the customer service counter, and waited again in line to get this movie exchanged.

They employee was in the middle of the process of returning it, when she told me that the number on the video didn't match the numbers on the receipt so she couldn't return it and she couldn't do anything else for me.

I told her that it was no big deal it's only five dollars and it's just not worth all the trouble if she can't do anything about it.

It really wasn't that big of a deal but I still felt like crying. And I was so upset, by the time I got home...which was about a five minute drive...I began to feel angry because I felt like crying over something that was that stupid. Talk about complicated.

So today was interesting. And that's my little story about how it feels to be pregnant.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Being married has been a wonderful experience for both Mackenze and I. Every morning I'm so elated to wake up next to someone so wonderful.

Although we felt completely fulfilled in our marriage, we wanted something more. We started trying to get pregnant only two months after we were married. It felt like the right thing to do and we both desperately wanted a family.

I had expected to get pregnant right away. I had heard it was fairly simple for it to happen. However, after a few weeks I still had not seen that little plus sign I was awaiting. I was beginning to despair thinking that something might be wrong with me. I was trying to be patient which for me, in particular, is not the easiest thing to do.

Sometime near the end of May, I woke up one morning and decided just to try to see if I might be pregnant. I was so happy when two minutes later the test reflected a positive. I went downstairs right away to tell my loving Mackenze who was just as excited as I was.

The next couple weeks were a piece of cake. I felt completely fine. It was after those weeks, the blessed morning sickness began to debut. I'm not sure who decided to name it "morning" sickness because it should have been named "anytime of day you can think of" sickness. Not only was a puking in the mornings, but also mid-morning, early afternoon, early evening, and at 2:00 am.

That was the first trimester.
As I entered into my second trimester, I kept thinking: Ok this is going to be great! No more sickness! At least that is what the doctor and books all say...

And this is where I learn that doctors and books can be proved very wrong. It wasn't until the middle of the second trimester I was feeling better.

Now I'm just about to begin my third trimester, and I still occasionally feel sick. And I can't believe how often I eat! I have to eat at least six times a day, but I can't ever eat a full meal. It drives me crazy. And the trips to the bathroom are even worse. Sometimes I think that I live there, with as often as I go. My least favorite is stumbling up the stairs in the middle of the night. I'm always afraid I'm going to hit my head on the low part of the ceiling on the stairs, or my leg on the sharp corner of the bed. The list of possibilities of how Justine can hurt herself is virtually endless. I wasn't born with a whole lot of grace...add pregnancy and sleep explanation is needed.

Speaking of my clumsiness....

When Mackenze and I were dating, one night we decided to watch a movie at his parents house. His mom had made these amazing coconut brownie things....and naturally I ate five of them because we are sweet deprived at my parents house. So we popped in the Other Side of Heaven DVD, but apparently I had all this excess energy from the brownies so I decided to show Mack some of my wicked awesome cheer leading moves, and also how fast I could run around the coffee table. In the process of all my jumping I some how landed on one of my weak ankles. The popping sound it made was NOT pleasant. Then I started crying but I don't know if it was because it hurt so bad or if I was embarrassed...probably a mixture of both. I knew right away that it wasn't broken, but Mackenze was really worried because it was super purple and swollen. He called my mom and she told him to take me to the hospital just to make sure that it wasn't really broken.

My mom said that when the hot male nurse strolled me away in the wheelchair Mack didn't look too thrilled.

Turns out it was just a bad sprain. But, at least Mackenze had a little taste of what it's going to be like to take care of a stumbling idiot of a wife.

Thankfully, we haven't had any other unplanned trips to the hospital...knock on wood...I desperately hope that our children turn out more like their father.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

February 2nd, 2008 is the day my life became complete.

Our wedding ceremony was beautiful. I was crying so much. It was so wonderful to see my family and many friends there at our sealing. I was elated.

Of course, it was my wedding day so everything didn't go completely smoothly. My darling husband had been living on the couch for the past week, and not because he's a potato, but he was sick. Thankfully, by the time the big day came, he was well enough to enjoy it.

And then there was the pictures. It was so cold out we could all see our breath. By the time we got done with our family pictures and it was time for Mackenze and I, he barely got our a couple of good pictures before he started feeling sick again.

All in all, it didn't matter if everything or nothing went wrong. I was so happy I absolutely did not care about what was happening. I was estatic to be Mrs. Mackenze Harms.

The reception was...long. We had fun, but we were definitely ready to start the honeymoon.

We did most all of the traditional stuff. We did the bride and groom dance, the mother son dance, daddy daughter dance, we tossed the boquet, cut the cake, and stood in line for what seemed like forever. I kept the top tier of the wedding cake, and we plan to use it on our first wedding anniversery.

And my favorite part was that we had a theme. Four leaf clovers. Mackenze gained a nickname on his mission, Lucky Harms. It was perfect for us. The centerpieces were different sizes of vases filled with water and clear green and white rocks at the bottom. I wanted some sort of light in them though, and my mom found some green LED lights from a bar website that worked perfectly. Over the water and around the vases, we sprikled little plastic clovers. The cake was three tier, with white buttercream frosting, and little fondont kelly green and light green clovers. My boquet and his bootineer had white lillies, white roses, tiny light green mums, and of course, clovers!
Only one word comes to mind when I think of our photographer. Remarkable. Hans has extraordinary talent with the camera, for being so young. The pictures came out excellently.

My greatest of thanks goes out to my mother who put all my ideas into action when I couldn't, and helped me remember the things that I didn't. I love you so much, and I can only hope to be the mother you are to me.
We spent that night in Idaho at a resort named Stoneridge. The snow was piled up ten feet high to the side of the road. Everything was covered in a beautiful sheet of white. It was breathtaking.

One day later we were back to real life. And it still seems so surreal. I love my husband with all my heart and I will for the rest of eternity. Not just because he gives the world's best foot rubs. My husband is the single most caring and kindest man on this earth. I am proud to be his wife.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Your typical cheerleader doesn't date your typical geek.

I guess that makes our relationship...untypical?

When I first told Mack I wanted to be his girlfriend I guess that I expected a little more excitement. But he just sat there on my parents couch, all calm. Then he tried to tell me that he would need a week to think about it.
HUH?! What the heck does he need a week for? He has been following me around like a lost puppy for the better part of seven months, and he needs time to think????
I wasn't having any of that.

"Why? Is that how you really feel?" I had pretty much expected this to be smooth, and him to be elated. Not with his forehead creasing in contemplation!

"Let's say I had a date this weekend. Would you let me go on it if you were my girlfriend?"

Ok, so I hadn't thought about that. Yes, I would let him keep his date that he already had planned. Mack is so kind-hearted that it literally kills him to be mean to someone. Of course, I would be freaking out the whole time. That is just how I am.
So I told him how I felt and that I would be near hysterics when he went, and he said that as long as he kept his promise to this other girl, we could be together.

Being with Mackenze made me more happy than I had ever been in my whole life. I didn't know what it felt like to be treated well by a man until I met him. All of the sudden, the man that I had always wanted and dreamed of was with me.

The next four weeks were absolutely wonderful. Every waking moment we spent with each other.

On Christmas Eve 2007, Mackenze proposed to me in my parents family room. I had just woken up from a nap, and tired Justine can be very cranky if she doesn't have enough sleep. His whole family and my whole family were in the living room and he said that he wanted to read a poem to me.

"Ok lets go out to the family room." I had just woken up and I didn't want to be around all these people.

"I wanted to do it out here."
"No, lets go to the family room."

"Ok." Mackenze is not one to push things more than once so I thought that was kinda odd that he almost insisted we stay there. I was so tired, I probably would have gave into him, but then had an attitude the whole time.

So we went out to the family room and he began to read me the poem. It was so sweet. We were sitting on the couch and I was enjoying hearing all these great things about me, we all of the sudden at the end of the poem he gets up and gets down on his knees.

It was then I realized what was happening and guilt swept over me in all forms. I understood now why he had wanted to be in front of the family. So they could all see and hear too. My heart sped up, and every little sound that was in the room muted itself, all I could hear was the words he was saying.

"Will you marry me?"

I think my yes was slightly inaudible. I was in complete shock. I usually know when big things like this are coming. How did he keep this from me??

Afterwards, we proceeeded out back to the living room and told everyone the news. Everyone was happy, and my Aunt was crying. Which started to make me cry, of course. Partly still in shock, but mostly in happiness.

Sometimes when I look back I think that I was in some sort of teen flick where two complete opposites fall in love. But what Mackenze and I have is something way better than a movie or book could ever depict.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

"Hi Mack."

Daddy is the word that I probably thought after that. And who wouldn't with a tall, dark, and handsome man staring at you.

"Hi Justine."

This is most likely what he actually said.

"So, I was wondering if I could have your number, some of us girls don't have it and we'd like to invite you to things... and stuff."

That's right. I asked him. That is what started it all. I tried not to smile too widely as I watched his eyes bug further out of his head. I found out later he was absolutely terrified that a girl was talking to him. His gorgeous brown eyes looked slightly nervous as he gave me his number.

After church began, I wondered why I didn't pay more attention to him while we were in high school. I don't remember him looking so handsome. He must have lost at least thirty pounds. In fact, I thought that he wore these thick lensed glasses all the time, which it turns out that he didn't. I didn't even remember that he was the seminary president. I only found this out after I was looking through his yearbook and reading the comment that I wrote in it. Yeah, he had definitely changed in someway, even if I couldn't put my finger on it.

Ok so you get it now right? Mack is hott.

Despite this, I still found myself reluctant to actually date him. I guess I thought him...what's the word...geeky. Although I think that the words stalker and goober were the words I used to describe him to others.

Don't get me wrong. Mack definitely had his moments where I sat wondering to myself why I didn't take the plunge. For instance, he calls me up asking me if I wanted a ride to some activity we were having. Sure I said, I'm at my parent's and I need a ride anyways. So he comes to the door.

"You ready?"

We stepped out from the porch, and there it was. Just sitting in the driveway, trying to blend in with the mediocre surroundings, but surely not succeeding.
"Is this your car?"

"It's my mom's."

So we get in the gleaming pale blue, two seat er, Z-3 BMW, with its top down.
"Hang on. My mom has to see this."

I dialed the number quickly and tell her to look out the window. She was just as impressed as I was. I think to myself...this is one way to get my attention.

After the activity, we spent a good part of the night driving everywhere in Spokane. The weather was cooperating perfectly. The warm wind hit my face, making me feel more alive than ever. I don't really remember a whole lot about what we talked about in the beginning, but the conversation eventually led to my past life, and his family. I don't know why I did, but I shared some deep feelings that I wouldn't normally, with an almost stranger. I guess I was trying to gauge his reaction, deep down I really wanted to know what he thought of me.

In turn, he shared his secrets with me. It was then and there our friendship began.

For the next six months, we hung out together regularly. We saw each other at FHE and singles dances, sat with each other at munch and know when I would get over myself and I didn't think that I was too cool for him...

And then my life did a flip-flop. I had lost my job. They fired me. It wasn't fair. I'm not the type of person who gets fired. I'm not lazy, I'm very punctual, and I'm a quick learner. It is still beyond me why I ever lost that job. It had to have been one of the most trying days I had at the time. And you know what sweet Mackenze did? He left a white carnation and a Wal-Mart gift card, labled for ice cream on my doorstep. I knew it was him because he is the only person I know who writes in cursive. I called him and he even tried to pretend like it wasn't him. It was funny.

So, it put me in a tough spot. I had to move into my parents house and start job hunting. During that time Mackenze and I got to know each other even more. He would come over to my house and we would sit down in my room (I know...I couldn't imagine why my parents let me have a boy in my room...but hey...I wasn't about to say anything) watch movies and then he would rub my feet.

Oh...My...Gosh. Mackenze would be the foot-rubbing god if there was one. I don't know what it was, but pieces of my heart were quietly stolen from those foot-rubs. And because Mackenze was the best at foot-rubs (and also wonderfully sexy) he got some special treatment too. Let's just say he has nice lips.

Even then, I still couldn't convince myself to be his girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't ready. I can't exactly explain my hesitation. But I believe that it was meant to be that way. It wasn't the right time.

When I finally realized that what I had been looking for was right smack in front of my face for the past seven months, I was actually very surprised. I didn't expect it. I wanted to be with him.

And I was going to make it happen.